Sorry, not funny.

In recent months, I’ve seen several videos being shared on Facebook which are edited clips of young children refusing food. I’m not going to share any links as I don’t want to give them any more exposure than they already have.  Sometimes they show babies turning away from the spoon and leaning back in their high chairs. Sometimes there are toddlers gagging while trying to eat a piece of broccoli. Sometimes it’s parents calmly repeating “take a bite” (an approach recommended by some types of behavioural therapists who use methods that don’t respect children’s autonomy) while the child cries.

These videos are relatable I suppose.  Approximately 25% of young children are ‘picky eaters’. Knowing that you are not alone with your challenges is a fundamental human need. We are social creatures and feeling that we are the only person dealing with something is lonely and scary. Maybe that’s why they are getting so many likes and shares? But are they funny? No.

When I first saw one of these videos it made me cry. It made me think of individual children whose families I have worked with and the thought of their frightened little faces being shared around Facebook for people’s amusement made me so sad and angry. Children can’t consent to being filmed and having the films shared in a way that no-one has any control of. To me, it feels like such a violation.

I have seen things in these films that I – as a feeding professional – can recognise. That baby leaning backwards? That’s the negative tilt that feeding expert Marsha Dunn Klein talks about. It is a sign that a baby is not being fed responsively – that they are not leaning towards the spoon (a positive tilt) with an opening mouth, indicating that they are ready to take a mouthful. I have also read comments from other feeding professionals on these threads where they have spotted that a child’s chew isn’t looking right, for example.

I work with food anxiety and when I see a toddler shaking their head and crying in response to a piece of food they can‘t eat, I see a child who is feeling frightened and out of control and there is nothing funny about that. I want to reach through the screen and give that child a hug – I want to sit down with the parents and explain that I understand they are doing their best with the information they have, but that there is another way.

When someone shared a compilation of children refusing food in our Facebook group my initial reaction was to delete the post immediately, but it provoked an interesting debate so on that occasion I left it. Most parents in the group have children whose eating is very limited and they were not seeing any humour there.

It’s not ok to make or share these videos. It’s not fair on the children they feature and they perpetuate a negative message – that feeding problems are funny;  that it’s cute when a child refuses food and that we should laugh at children’s distress. They also show feeding practices that are at best, unhelpful and at worst, abusive.

I’d like to ask you to comment on these threads where you see them, explaining why you find them unacceptable and asking that the page owner takes them down. If a friend of yours shares one, explain to them what it’s really like to parent a food anxious child (if this is your experience) and how children need compassion and appropriate support, not “lol”s on Facebook.